Velociraptors.
They are nine feet long, travel in packs of twenty, and know no fear. They are masters of disguise, infiltration, and propaganda. Streamlined for land travel at over 65 mph evidence suggests that their feathers allow them to glide distances of up to 50 meters. They also boast one of the most advanced societies in the known universe. They may already be among us, subjugating us and devouring any resistance. We must unite if we wish to resist them for long enough to develop technology to rival theirs.
Do you know of anyone who may be a disguised velociraptor and/or velociraptor splinter cell?
What would you do to survive a velociraptor attack for as many seconds as possible (if you were alone, or in a group of fewer than 50 people)?
Should we attempt to resist, or would it be better to be peacefully absorbed into the hyperadvanced society of Raptoria?
If we choose to assert our independence as a race, is there any hope that we might succeed in driving off the raptors for at least a short period of time?
Do you have a particularly ingenious plan for defeating (or staving off) the velociraptor menace? If so send me an encrypted file detailing this plan, and remember, the raptors are watching your every move. Be careful.
Humanity needs you.
Write about these things.
Dear Sean:
ReplyDeleteI regret to inform you that I have become a double agent working for the hyper-advanced society known as Raptoria. In exchange for my life, I am required to relay information concerning human dissenters to the executive branch of Cretaceous Council. I have no problem telling you this because there is nothing that you can do to prevent your apprehension. However, it is possible that I may be able to put your mind at ease by explaining to you your inevitable fate.
In exactly one hour you will be surrounded by an elite squad of stealth-operative velociraptor. This squad will consist of four members that you will never actually see and that will strike so hard and so fast that you will never be able to recall the event. Have no fear though, you will be unharmed, because you are much more valuable to them alive.
Once in captivity, your velociCAPTORS, will bring you to a hard labor camp where you will spend they rest of your days drilling for fossil fuels in seafloor drilling facilities. The reason Raptoria has been drilling for fossil fuels is two-fold: one, it deprives the human society of an economically valuable resource; and two, it provides the Cretaceous Council with a way to raise the surface temperature of the planet 4 °C (the temperature of the planet during their original era).
You see, the plan is simply to accelerate the global warming process because the citizens of Raptoria are cold. Once the global surface temperature rises they will be able to take to the streets and show humankind a ground war utterly unfathomable to the species.
I know this information may be unsettling, but it is the absolute truth. You now only have 59 minutes of freedom remaining - enjoy it! Don't be foolish and attempt an escape, it will make no difference, the stealth-operative has never missed a capture time by a single second. In fact, they probably have you surrounded already.
I am sorry it came to this, Sean. May Vog (the velociraptor god) have mercy on your soul.
You have no idea how much this made my day.
ReplyDeleteI'll get started on mass producing the rocket launchers, and getting someone to train the masses...
ReplyDelete