Avoiding Conflicts...

You know, technically this blog isn't late yet, as the internal clocks housed within the infernal machineries of blogger have deemed it to be only six days since this blog was assigned. As such I expect full points for what so ever I happen to say here. I'll be watching you very closely Mr. Mannion...

On an unrelated, but still actually slightly related note, conflict. It is by its very nature unpleasant, and best avoided. But how does one go about avoiding it? Well, first one must learn to blend into a social setting, completely and immediately. Be the guy that sits in the back of the class. The stranger at the bar who keeps to themselves. Even better, become a recluse who only leaves their home once a month to go grocery shopping and smells vaguely of cabbage... Oh, you say you want to avoid conflict while retaining some semblance of a functional life? This is trickier.

The first thing you should know in this case, is that some conflict is unavoidable. Strategies for conflict avoidance are nice and encouraging, but useless once it all hits the fan. The easiest way to avoid prolonging a conflict is a simple strategy I like to call "cut and run". This is useful for avoiding the brunt of most conflicts that are actively seeking you (bullies, obnoxious friends, earthquakes etc.). Note that this doesn't singularly mean that you must physically run in every situation. Sometimes it means making swift, uncompromising, and completely unbelievable concessions. "Yes, it was my fault that you crashed your car into that pole over there while I was sitting right here minding my own business. I will immediately call my insurance company to recompense you scary gorilla man..." or "yes Mike/Pat/Russell/Brendan I am an idiot". This will help you simply shut down a conflict before it begins, either by ensuring that you are not physically in the area of the conflict, or by making sure there is no conflict to be had. I know this through experience.

This strategy for conflict mediation/avoidance will not work in all situations however. Sometimes conflicts will come looking for you, and there will be no chance of escape or concession. Your girlfriend may suspect you of cheating (which you may or may not have done) or a pack of hungry velociraptors may take a liking to the tender flesh of your underarms. There is no way to avoid these conflicts (mainly because girlfriends and velociraptors both travel in packs of twenty and run at over thirty-five miles per hour when enraged/hungry. Also, they know no fear and have three inch long talons with which to eviscerate you.) There is therefore only one way to resolve situations like these. A combination of regular cardio exercise, and superior fire power. Bring not one, but two shotguns. Everywhere. And grenades. Lots of grenades. Also make sure to choose a quality semi/fully automatic sidearm (that's military speak for pistol) and always be stocked with an inexhaustible supply of ammunition for it. Because in the face of velociraptors you will run out of shotgun shells, and grenades...

Now, if you should come out in the wrong in a conflict, make sure to apologize and attempt to make things right ("Sorry for cheating on you honey, and also I apologize for shooting you in the trachea while I was blind with fear."). There's no use in losing a valuable friend/parent/sibling/lover to an accidental burst of automatic pistol fire and hurt feelings. Just apologize. If they haven't already bled out, then I am 100% certain that all will be forgiven. In time.

Now, as for helping people resolve their own conflicts, why do you think I wrote this? After all, if I can- Wait, did you hear that? I think it saw me! Oho, she's a big one... Have at you bipedal lizard of death!!!! (Sounds of a shotgun being fired cease abruptly as the author of this post emits a long gurgling death rattle)

Sean Nolan's Excellent Adventure

Yes, that is a reference to that movie. If I cloud visit any time, and could only visit one time, I would visit some murky time of postulation before the first religion was created, and proclaim myself a messiah, sent from the future to teach those backwards inhabitants the error of their ways, and give them some advanced future technology (by which I mean current technology) in the hope that they could advance upon it over time. I would then instill into them a deep and abiding respect for their fellow human, and teach them to treat each other as equals. That way the entire world would become a socially stable and highly advanced utopia. I would of course teach them to be wary of artificial intelligence, lest the robots turn upon their creators. In addition to the awesome future utopia, I would be venerated as a god, and have an entire planetary population to lead into the stars, and later abandon (declaring them corrupt beyond repair) so I could watch them scramble for the scraps left behind in the wake of their deity's absence and tear each other apart in their fanatical zeal to prove themselves worthy of me...

If I could go to more than one place then I'd probably just have fun with it. Think about it. So much to see, so little time...
In chronological order I would: Hang out with the great ancient philosophers of Greece (whom I hear throw great parties), visit the Egyptians with the gift of 80's pop music (yes that song), call Caligula crazy, watch Constantine make his rounds, become a member of a Celtic Tribe, give Charlemange tactical advice, watch the battle of Hastings, crown a monarch as an endorsed saint of the Roman Catholic Church, invent the first gun, tag along with Marco polo, discover America (Seaninania), sail around the world for the first time, invent a foodstuff, become a monarch, abdicate my throne, live in an actual victorian house, avert the assassination of Abraham Lincoln, give the writer of Sherlock Holms a signed copy of his own book, incite world war one by beating the assassin to the punch, join a mafia by passing myself off as 100% sicilian (yes that used to be the requirement), incite the Russian revolution, avert world war two by assassinating hitler and convincing america that their interests were significantly threatened by the axis (warn them of the Pearl Harbor bombing), avert american involvement in the Vietnam war by assassinating LBJ, stop the assassination of John F. Kennedy (before the LBJ thing if I was doing it chronologically), prevent the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks, and tell everyone (via video recordings) that "No, they dont have weapons of mass destruction..." and for the love of all that is holy, STOP LIVING BEYOND YOUR MEANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That last bit was for my own sanity. Also, I would make sure that everyone involved knew who I was and that I was promptly rewarded for all of these things (except the dangerous ones...those would happen secretly....).

Advice to a younger self...

What would I say to myself if I could go back in time and give myself some good advice? That isn't hard to say, though most of my advice would assume some hopefully existent modicum of motivation, and a willingness to listen to myself. I would have a bit to say about most things, and I sincerely hope that I was mature enough four years ago to realize that the dearly bought experience that I might contain in four years time could only be bought through a painfully potent blend of trial and error, and missed opportunities. I'm not saying that my life is hopelessly screwed up beyond repair, but it certainly isn't as great as it could be. I am young, and still have time to decide what it is I want to do with my life, to learn how to manage my assets (well), and to use the prodigious physical and mental abilities I was gifted at birth. What I am saying is that I have time to change (barely) and so hope that through the typing of this blog, I can encourage myself to do better. At life.

If I could speak to myself three years ago, I would tell myself to hit the gym. Stop eating, sitting around, doing nothing particularly important, and go exercise. Because six months ago, I became a diagnosed diabetic. And my life hasn't exactly improved because of this. In addition I'd tell myself to watch my eating habits. Not change them exactly, but observe and cut back a little. This is probably the singular most momentous occurrence in my life in the last decade. It has changed the way my entire life operates and it could have been avoided if I had been a bit more careful. On the plus side, I can still turn this around. Yes diabetes is actually curable if you catch it early enough...

I wouldn't just talk about my myriad of avoidable health problems though. I'd tell myself to get a planner. I don't care if the school gives me one. I'd make myself go out and purchase a personal planner, and monitor myself for a week to make sure I used it. It could have been that helpful. I pride myself on having a fairly good memory, but no one can indefinitely hold on to an increasing pile up of facts. At any rate, having a simple book to write things down in could have set me up for a success the like of which I have almost never known. I'd almost certainly be a much more productive member of society at any rate. So now I'm going to do my darnedest to make up for it as my next blog (posted tonight) will attest to. Yay productivity!

The next thing I would drill into my tiny untempered skull is to ALWAYS do my homework. Seems like a simple enough thing to grasp right? Well it is the one thing I have tried time and again to hold onto, and I have failed to master this simple tenet time and time again. Obviously I am already trying to fix that (even as we spea-I type) but this doesn't only apply to my past self. To everyone reading this of the age 16 or younger (not that that actually ever happens): DO YER FRIGGIN' HOMEWORK!!!!1!!!one!!! Seriously though, this is important. Because of my failure to grasp this concept whole heartedly, I didn't know how to study. I didn't have any homework to review as a result of my failing, and that resulted in, well, failing. Tests. Many of them. Many of then I would have been quite bettter off passing.

Finally I would tell myself to grow a pair and go for things. You can't win if you don't try. Not saying anything isn't better than saying something hurtful. It's just more secret. Maybe it wouldn't have been hurtful. Not trying is the number one cause of failure...etc.etc. It took me a while to grasp this, but I think bashfulness and an unwillingness to put my neck on the line occassionally means that I miss out on things. And worse yet, sometime trying does backfire. Still I would tell myself to do this. To join drama a year earlier, take an active interest in the clubs I join. To lead (to a small extent, because I truly dislike leadership and have no envy for the big leaders). Hopefully my non-inhibition won't backfire in any really horrific ways n the future.

At any rate, if I did get the chance to tell myself these things, I sincerely hope that I would listen. In fact, I'd probably tell myself to listen to me. On a serious note, I'm off to tackle the problems disscussed.

Distrbution of wealth (for real this time)

Some people have more money than others. Some people don't . Most people have more money than me. Do I think that this is fair? No I do not. If there is one thing that my life has taught me, it is that money is an absolute necessity, and while it may not bring happiness by itself, it certainly helps. Is actually fair that those aforementioned people have more money than me? Probably. So let's move on to class divisions.

"So I know what you're thinking. 'With all these poor people lazing about complaining, how can I count my money?' or 'With those rich people sending all their jobs overseas, how can I work to feed my family?' I know you ask yourselves these and other questions, but it can all be summed up in one sentence. Isn't a man entitled to the sweat of his brow?" Before I continue quoting Andrew Ryan (those of you who've played bioshock will know) I ask that you consider his well written fictitious words. What he asks forms the basis of my answer ( and the capitalist family of economic systems). If you work hard, you'll be working hard. But if you set your mind to taking every available scrap of currency you come across with both hands, well then you'll be making money. There are no jobs out there is a lame excuse. I should know, I've used it often enough. If you want to be one of the uncomplaining rich men who so kindly (slight allusion to bioshock again) put up with all of your peasantry and excuses, then take don't complain.

Now what I am describing sounds awfully similar to our current system of wealth distribution enacted in this country, doesn't it? By and large, I agree with the us on this particular topic. "But what about the different socialist programs in place to help the common man? What about those of us who fall on actual hard times?" Well, I support those programs too, insomuch as they help people who aren't trying to abuse them. To those people who actually succeed in abusing a system such as welfare, I must publicly show a mild disdain, but I can't hate them because they embody a basic tenet of capitalist money making. Get as much as you can, as fast as you can. Take with both hands.

One might say that such a system as capitalism might then encourage certain comrades to take part in crimes geared towards securing as many funds as possible. This may be true. One could then make a case that certain other economic-political systems might encourage genocide. This could also be true. What I am trying to say at this point in this particular mindless rambling is that I am not qualified to say whether this entire system (or any other for that matter) is fair, or right, but that I agree with it. I was raised under it, and having experienced no other system of wealth distribution with which to compare it, I agree with it. Now, I am off to take with both hands. From poor orphans. Good day.